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[Wednesday 12th] this is it. no more. im severing myself from certain ties that are holding me back to a life that i no longer want to indulge in. tash, i will miss your entries. we'll just have to talk more. el fin. 1 ♥ comment

best night in a while. [Saturday 14th] comment

[Tuesday 29th] i hate that everyone knows everyone through someone in the boston area. californias great, and i dont want to leave. i need something like this in my life. comment

truth [Thursday 15th] i'm going to be spending yet another semester and probably the remainder of my semesters here at roger williams. because of credit transferring, i dont want to have to take more schooling. and i want everything that i have worked hard at to count. if i transfer, some of my credits will be erased. i also am staying here bc my laziness. i should have completed my portfolio over winter break. but i did not. i have no time to complete the seperate portfolios on top of the crazy work load i have this semester anyway. im also afraid. to loose contact with some great people here. jeannie, my roommate. christina, one of my best friends whos from new jersey. now, i recognize that after we graduate that might happen anyway. but for now, its just what im going to do. i may not agree with a lot of things this school does or how it works, but where am i really going to find something so utopian? i wanted to leave to start fresh and start a new slate. maybe i dont need to leave to do so. i wanted to leave bc of so many ppl at this school that are all the same. not challenging. not inspiring. unoriginal. not a dooshbag. but the few ive picked out that are great, im not sure im ready to leave. and hey, there will be dooshbags everywhere, right? i dont know what i want. im indecisive abt so many things. there are things i wish i was learning that im not. im scared i wont make it as an architect. but at the same time, i dont want to envision myself doing anything else. truth is im scared of regretting every little decision im making right now that impacts my future. but i know that in sticking to this prgram i will be highly educated in architecture. things might change down the line. but thats then i guess, right? i want to travel more than anything. i hate this schedule that im on. but maybe its what i need for right now, instead of trying to be on my own so quickly. i'll still be in boston whenever i can. just like how it has been. this summer, let me move in with you. but as for the fall, ill be back in rhode island yet again. comment

yo. [Thursday 30th] studio has consumed the entirity of my life for the next week. i hate zombie mode, especially depressed zombie mode which i just dove into. i dont know why but i just dont talk as much, i dont make an effort at anything except my studio work. and yeah. this week has blown by, and i feel unaccomplished. now to paper writing before i go back to studio for the night. oh yeah i got my nose pierced. didnt really share that yet. with anyone. 2 ♥ comment

[Friday 24th] i thought i remembered butterfingers being better than this. they do not even COMPARE to reeces peanut buttercup. !!! comment

teach me. [Sunday 19th] i want to learn so bad. comment

i never remember dreams [Wednesday 15th] i dreamt that i packed up my things and left school. just like that. i couldnt take it anymore. so i left. i moved into boston. i had found a place to rent. i got there and it was so dark. the walls must have been a dark wood. everything felt old and dark. and made me very nervous. i hadnt told any of my friends abt the move. i figured i would once i was settled and knew for sure that it would be alright. i got to my new place and all the rooms but one were already inhabited. all by people i dont know. that also made me nervous bc i didnt even tell them when i was moving in apparently. so i didnt receive any warm welcome. so i was sitting on my bed when i looked out the window, and into the appartment maybe five feet from the one i was in. there was blake. and he smiled at me. that made me feel better already. then one of my roomates came in and introduced himself. i apologized for the lack of notice. it turned out that he knew blake. annnd kyle bryant. later on they came over and my other roomates kyle, blake and i all just hung out. i even tried texting kris white. who was going to bike over. but i dont remember the dream from then on. i miss boston. i dont want to go to school here anymore. i dont feel like i belong. the weekends are just me being too drunk. which is funny every once in a while. but it gets old. and i just miss home. whenever im in boston, i dont want to come back. =/ comment

[Tuesday 14th] i'm overwhelmed. comment

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